Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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