I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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