I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
