dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Actions speak louder than pants.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
