So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
