Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
