On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
