I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
