And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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