i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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