OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
