did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
