pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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