GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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