I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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