I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
