I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
