Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
