party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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