I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
