Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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