So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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