Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
