im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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