I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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