Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize