I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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