so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
