My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
