I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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