My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
