the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
