Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
