The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize