i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
