Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
