The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
