Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
