I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
