my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
