just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
