Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
