Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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