Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your dad touched me again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
