how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize