On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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