Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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