ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have aggressive nipples.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
