break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
