i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
