I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
