Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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