Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
