That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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