I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
