I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
