i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
cat food counts as protein by the way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
