6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
