Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
