I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
