I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
