We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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