He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
