tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
