Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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