all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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