I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
