You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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