She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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