the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
