my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
