i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
