i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
