no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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