the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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