Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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  (908): i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial http://tfl.nu/oypl
  Replies (6) Good night (1665) Bad night (679)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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  (440): We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days! (1-440): I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!! http://tfl.nu/v3m4
  Replies (80) Good night (1302) Bad night (4091)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.

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  (605): I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix. http://tfl.nu/17el
  Replies (7) Good night (2735) Bad night (874)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

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  (304): all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over http://tfl.nu/i61z
  Replies (27) Good night (5211) Bad night (924)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (6182) Bad night (1196)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

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  (240): He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice http://tfl.nu/qhk7
  Replies (3) Good night (2657) Bad night (980)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.

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  (808): Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days. http://tfl.nu/a8z9
  Replies (9) Good night (3044) Bad night (1659)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

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  (780): Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult http://tfl.nu/fk5u
  Replies (14) Good night (1134) Bad night (2480)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2749) Bad night (793)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

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  (407): Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people. http://tfl.nu/19v1
  Replies (13) Good night (1933) Bad night (867)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?

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  (609): LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER? http://tfl.nu/1zq3
  Replies (7) Good night (1208) Bad night (728)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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  (217): sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar. http://tfl.nu/imgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1510) Bad night (705)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?

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  (416): I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know? http://tfl.nu/vw9n
  Replies (12) Good night (774) Bad night (1078)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.

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  (425): The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house. http://tfl.nu/wynr
  Replies (4) Good night (613) Bad night (401)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?

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  (618): Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!? http://tfl.nu/wury
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (155)

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