It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks