you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
