just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches