Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.