OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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